


Steel, Cold and Brittle

by ladymal



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post-Trespasser fic, Romance, Trespasser Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-27 08:35:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5041441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladymal/pseuds/ladymal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solas takes action against the one who has brought his plans to the brink of ruin but he should know that a cornered animal fights all the harder. Post-Trespasser fic. ON HIATUS</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When what remained of the Inquisition began hunting down Eluvians and taking them for themselves, Solas was not surprised. He had made no secret of their use in his efforts though he had been careful to avoid revealing how much had been sacrificed to acquire them. Saehin would recognize the value in them even if the network was unavailable to her. There was much that the Inquisition could learn simply through study and that alone would appeal to her keen mind. The recklessness of such a move when she could not keep his forces from simply invading through them was entirely what he had come to expect of her.

That she began destroying them was not.

He had been in no rush to retrieve the small number of Eluvians that she had managed to find. Their loss was not enough to cripple him and it would take the Inquisition many more years to discover anything that would be dangerous. Eventually, he would need to reclaim them but he had been content to allow Saehin to preoccupy the Inquisition through their study. He regretted that decision deeply when his spies reported what she had done.

She had left only one intact and placed in on the balcony in her bedroom at Skyhold. It was a silent offer and a constant reminder of what he had left behind as she had no doubt intended it to be. Too often, he stood in front of the Eluvian's counterpart in the Crossroads and considered stepping through, her last words to him echoing in his ear. _Var lath vir suledin_.

From that point forward, the Eluvians that she located were destroyed on site until he began to feel their loss. He had many spies watching her but Saehin managed to always stay ahead of them just long enough to strike and be gone before he could respond. Worse, he did not know how it was she knew where to find them. It was as frustrating as it was worthy of admiration. His forces were too few to protect all of the Eluvians at once and so he was only able to wait and watch for the opening that he needed.

It came one cold, rainy day in the ruins of what had once been a home.

It was not her mistake though it hardly mattered in the end. A careless Inquisition agent had seen something they should not have and spoken into the wrong ear. The agent had barely known what they had discovered but it had been enough to determine where Saehin would attack next. A hidden place where he had once found a handful of his People and woken them from uthenera. Largely unimportant to his operations except for holding one of the increasingly precious Eluvians.

Her team was small and when the trap was sprung around them, they did not withstand it long.

He was waiting near the Eluvian she had come to destroy when she was brought to him. As requested, his agents had not removed the prosthetic arm that she used as a replacement staff but had shackled her. A blade to her throat had her tilting her head awkwardly and forced what compliance the restraints did not. They shoved her to her knees in front of him and his hands spasmed behind his back.

"You may go," he said, flicking his gaze towards them only briefly.

Saehin was watching him, her eyes half-lidded in that way they did when she wanted to hide her thoughts. It had been some time since he had last seen her in the waking world and she was no longer unchanged. She was thinner—closer to the hard leanness she'd had before she had become Inquisitor—and exhaustion darkened her eyes and hollowed her cheeks. A new scar—small but deep—cut into the corner of her mouth and gave her a permanent frown.

The blame for these things belonged to him and him alone but he could not help the frustration he felt towards her at the sight. _I begged you, vhenan. To turn away. To find happiness in what time there is left. Why would you not listen?_ It was a fool's question; one he had always known the answer to. It was not in her nature to retreat when she could fight and he could no more change her nature than he could the stars in the sky.

Once they were alone, Solas opened her shackles with a thought and they clattered to the floor. She brought her arms forward more comfortably and made as if her push herself up but hesitated. Her look was wary, that of a wild animal caught in a trap it knows it cannot escape, and he glanced away.

"Stand if you wish. I will not stop you."

Lips twisting, she gained her feet. Rain dripped off her armor and hair and puddled onto broken tile.

"So, here you have me," she said. "What do you plan to do, Solas?"

"I plan to offer you a choice." He paused; the rest of his words a tight ball in his chest. _I am not a monster_ , he reminded himself as he stared into the eyes of his heart. _I do not want this_. "Your efforts against me will not be allowed to continue."

"No?"

Her tone was familiar. That flippant, mocking one she used to provoke him and it didn't fail in making a muscle in his jaw twitch now. "You cannot irritate me into a mistake, Saehin."

She smiled and it flashed like the edge of a blade. "I could."

 _Yes_ , he agreed silently. _It is a particular talent of yours_. He released a long, silent breath through his nose. "Allow me to rephrase. You will not. And know that even were you to escape, you would not get far."

She lifted her chin a fraction at that but didn't argue. "Say what you would say, then."

The words were still a weight within him—knifelike and unyielding—but he managed to force them past his throat.

"You may come with me and allow yourself to be imprisoned. The alternative." Solas glanced away once more. "A painless death. Quick. Without suffering."  
Her mouth curled to show her teeth and she tilted her head to the side. "How gracious of you."

"Do you truly believe that I do not wish for some other way?" he asked, a lick of anger burning in his belly. "That I desire any harm to come to you? I _begged_ you—"

He stopped abruptly, a raw ache deep in his chest. His eyes flickered closed—briefly—and when he opened them, some manner of calm had been restored.

"What's done is done. Both of our courses are set. We can only see them through to the end."

"We don't have to," she said instantly, her stare intense. "You can stop this, Solas. There is nothing preventing it but you."

He was silent as something like grief rang hollow within him. _It is not so simple, vhenan. I cannot abandon the People. Not even for you._

"The choices you have are poor but I offer them to you regardless. Mine was not the only fear written in stone and I would not force yours on you."

"You looked for my tombstone in the Fade," she accused flatly. "Did you hope it was something you could use against me?"

"If I denied it, would you believe that it was not a lie?"

Her response came without hesitation. "Yes."

Surprised, he looked at her for a long moment before answering.

"No, I did not."

Something flashed in her eyes and she turned her gaze away. "What will happen to the others?"

"Whatever you decide, your people will be allowed to go free and no further harm will come to them."

"Why?"

"Killing them would be unnecessary," he said simply. It was the truth if only a portion of it. "Remove the head of a beast and it ceases to be a threat. The body may thrash and injure the unwary but the true danger has passed."

"We are not beasts, Solas. We're _people_."

"I know."

"I'm not certain you do," she said but didn't wait for a response. "If you want me dead, you can make that choice yourself. I'm not going to do it for you."

"I very much do not." Something was uncoiling in his chest at her words. Fear of what she would decide turning to relief. He held out his hand. "Your arm."

It was clear which he meant but other than the slight raising of her chin, she didn't move. She would make him take it from her. Solas let his hand fall and he inclined his head. He stepped forward and turned his magic sharp and fine to cut through the leather straps that secured the false arm to its harness. The device hummed with lyrium as he touched it; a song that flowed through his very self and made his skin prickle with energy. Saehin remained still and silent as she watched him remove it and set it aside.

"I am going to cast a spell," he told her quietly. "It will blind you but the effect is temporary and ultimately harmless."

"Worried that I will be able to escape?"

"You have shown me the danger in underestimating you." A ghost of a smile touch his lips; amusement and deep, ineradicable affection. "It will be less unsettling if you close your eyes."

She hesitated—only as long as a breath but he saw it, nonetheless—then let her lids fall shut. His spell was a shadow like smoke that wrapped around her eyes. Her shoulders jerked with a shudder as it disappeared into the sockets.

"Where are you taking me?" she asked and to her credit, her voice was cool and even.

He moved to her side and took her arm, partly to restrain her and partly so that he may guide her steps. At his touch, she flinched and whether it was merely because he had startled her or something else did not matter. It pierced him like an arrow.

"Through the Eluvian." He was distantly amazed by how calm he sounded. As if the whole of him wasn't shattering into edges sharp as glass. "Do you remember Vir Dirthara? A similar place has been restored to a degree so that you may be safely confined."

"Though much smaller, I assume."

"Yes. An effort has been made to make it comfortable but I doubt you will truly find it so."

"Would you—"

In the silence that followed, Solas could hear the way her breath caught in her throat. Feel the fleeting tremor in the armored flesh beneath his hand. Pain furrowed his brow and he blinked away the stinging burn in his eyes.

"Hold my hand," she said, her voice low. "Please."

"Ma nuvenin, vhenan," he murmured.

Their fingers laced together smoothly as if they had never been separated. Her grip was tight with fear and he stroked the back of her hand with his thumb, firmly so that she would feel it beneath the leather of her glove. A small, feeble gesture and the only comfort that he could give her. It wasn't enough. Not nearly enough. _Ir abelas. I am sorrier than you could know._

"I will not allow you to fall," he told her.

A short, harsh laugh tore its way out of her and she turned her face towards him. She had yet to open her eyes.

"Yes. You will keep me safe."

His heart clenched and he said nothing as he walked her through the Eluvian and to the Crossroads beyond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fear written on Saehin's tombstone was, Captivity.


	2. Chapter 2

Saehin kept her breaths slow and even as Solas led her through the Crossroads. Except for a brief test of the spell that blinded her, her eyes remained closed and her face blank. The people around her were her enemies and she wouldn't have them know that she was unsettled. But she _was_ unsettled—deeply—so she allowed herself the small concession of gripping Solas' hand a little too tightly. It would have been pointless to hide her fear from him, in any case; he who knew her almost as well as she knew him.

Though it was hardly a hive of activity, they were not alone in the Crossroads. Footsteps and conversations drifted to her ears as they walked and echoed in the large, strange space. She wasn't surprised to mostly hear the lilting sounds of Elvhen. Solas had held the key to the Eluvians close. Only a few knew what it was other than himself and they were ancient elves, all. Wise of him; she'd turned a number of her people against him but managed none of his.

If she had any doubts as to the likelihood that that would ever change, they were fully confirmed then.

The Well translated the words slowly but she understood the essence of what was being said quickly enough. Angry cursing and satisfaction that she had been captured and disapproval at seeing her at all. One question seemed to be a common thread between them. _'Why has he not killed it?'_ She gave them their answer in a thought tinged with bitterness. _Because he doesn't yet have to choose._

Her stomach clenched and she quickly turned her mind to something else.

"They dislike this," she said.

"To what are you referring?"

"Taking me prisoner, of course. They would rather you killed me."

There was a noticeable pause before he responded.

"By destroying the Eluvians, you have gained my people's animosity though that is not the sole reason."

She could guess as to what their other reasons were. _Shemlin. Remnant. Hollow imitation of a person._

"Do I no longer have their good will? That is a shame." A mocking smile pulled at her lips. She turned then to the unseen ancient elvhen and raised her voice so that they might hear. "It must be painful to know that a shemlin has destroyed yet more pieces of your beloved empire."

She was indeed heard and someone very near cursed at her, the words violent and foul, and the voice masculine. A thought whipped through her mind, a moment of opportunity realized, and she widened her smile, slow and deliberate. There was a sharp intake of breath from the other elf and he switched to common.

"You _dare_ —"

The man stopped abruptly and in the next instant there was the sound of him surging towards her. Saehin relaxed even as her heart quickened into a run. _Yes_ , she thought. _Give me my chance_. Chance for what, she wasn't quite certain. Blinded, she could not escape. Weaponless, she could not fight. It didn't matter. Whatever she was given, she would take and use in any way she could.

She was never given anything, in the end. Before the other elf could take more than two steps, magic slammed down like a fist and silence fell. The spell was powerful; it stole her breath and made her skin itch despite it not being directed at her. It could only have come from Solas though she hadn't felt so much as a change in his breath as he had cast. The thought was unnerving.

He snapped something in Elvhen and after a moment she understood.

" _Enough. She is provoking you, lethallin, so that she may create an opportunity_."

Huffing slightly, Saehin allowed her expression to smooth out, a beat of disappointment running through her.

"The sentiments were honest," she assured them.

Solas' hand tightened on hers—his chainmail glove harsh despite the leather that protected her—and she could imagine the crease of irritation that had formed in the middle of his brow. The moment stretched on and then, in a rush, that strange, electric weight vanished. Cloth rustled and she almost thought she could hear the grinding of the other elf's teeth.

" _Return to your duties_ ," Solas said and though his voice had softened, it was a command to be obeyed.

There was no hesitation. Whatever their opinions on her or the sparing of her life or the familiar way their leader behaved with her, it seemed his people still respected Fen'Harel.

Solas prompted her forward and they continued walking, the weight of watchful eyes prickling her skin. When the knot of activity had vanished behind them—the noise of it a jolting echo—he finally spoke.

"That was unnecessary."

His tone was cool— _scolding_ —and a flash of rage came to life within her. A sound that couldn't decide between a bitter laugh and a snarl caught in her throat. What stung more? she wondered. That he thought he had a right to say such a thing? Or the reminder that he would always choose _them_? Over this world and its people and over her.

"Forgive me. I forgot my place." Her voice shook—just slightly—and her lips had gone numb. "I am not a person. What happens to things that speak when they shouldn't?"

She felt him tense.

"You are entitled to think and do as you will and I didn't say otherwise. As you well know. I do not think of you as less than a person."

The laugh won out but it was cut short by something that was uncomfortably close to a sob as hurt—the kind that never truly seemed to leave her now—rose.

"Not anymore," she agreed.

He said nothing. The silence swelled between them, sharp and raw and stifling, and she let it. A wave of exhaustion hit her, closing her throat and chasing her anger and her pain back into their little box near her heart. The one that held all the rest of her feelings for Solas and seemed to struggle with its burden more and more every day.

Eventually, they reached a distant, lonely part of the Crossroads where none of Solas' people walked. Here, the only noise was the quiet hum of magic that pervaded everything, their own footfalls, and the grinding of stone as paths formed beneath them. Solas gave a soft warning then she was being led through an Eluvian, the mirror's surface folding around her like water.

He stopped her on the other side and after a moment, released her hand. The pressure in her skull lifted and the thick blackness behind her lids eased to something more natural. She opened her eyes.

The light was the piercing, strange kind that illumined the Crossroads and she wondered if this place had a false sun, as well. Spots bloomed in her vision making her blink. When it cleared, she saw that they stood in a forest of white-barked trees in full bloom. The air was unnaturally still but the sweet smell of flowers still drifted to her nose. A path of dull grey brick ribboned out from beneath their feet and through branches and lavender petals, she glimpsed pale stone walls.

"You will not go hungry here or find nothing to occupy your mind," Solas said and she looked at him. He was frowning and when he met her eyes, she saw the misery there. "Whatever you may need has been provided for you."  
"Should I thank you?"

She'd intended it to be biting but it came out tired. Empty.

"That was not—" His eyelids flickered and he glanced away. "You are angry—upset—and you have every right to be. I won't ask for your forgiveness but know that I never wanted to hurt you."

"If that's true then why did you? Why are you? No one is forcing you to do this." Her words seemed to drag his eyes back to hers, reluctantly and as if it physically pained him to look at her. " _Let me go_."

He hesitated; tense as a halla ready to bolt but whether it was towards her or away, she wasn't sure.

"Solas," she said. " _Please_."

It was like she had struck him.

A quiet sound tore out of him and he stumbled back, his shoulders hunched. He turned.

"Solas—"

But he didn't stop and she watched the bowing of his head, the gleam of the too white light on his armor, and then he was gone. The Eluvian darkened and became nothing more than old, tarnished glass inside faded gold; a lone mirror in the woods that never reflected the world around it.

Saehin stared at it, blinking as her eyes and her heart burned, before walking away from it to find her prison's end.

 

* * *

 

With no sun to guide her, she had no way to orient herself among the trees and when she found herself back at the path, she'd only frowned and doubled back. _I must have circled around_. It was known to happen; especially to children who hadn't yet learned and fools who never would. So, she continued on searching until it happened again and again and she realized that it wasn't her.

 _It hasn't an end_ , she thought as she gazed blankly at the pale sky. _Only something that sends you back the way you came._

The idea shouldn't have made her sick with fear but it did. It should have been a comfort to know that this place had no walls, nothing for her to see and know that she could go no further. That was why, she supposed. The not knowing. To be confined with only a fragile illusion that she wasn't and to not realize it had fooled her until it was too late.

A shudder ran up her spine and she took a breath, her fist clenched. Ghostly pinpricks of pain surged in the emptiness where her arm used to be. Peace, she told herself. Be still. Endure. It helped, settling her fear into vague anxiousness and calming the rush of blood in her veins. Her missing arm still ached and she pressed her hand to the stump as she turned to follow the path.

The stone she'd spotted through the trees turned out to be a half-repaired ruin. It was sprawling; large enough to have been a palace in the ancient days though if it had been, its grandeur was lost. The smooth, white stone was bare, the designs minimal except for the intricate window frames that covered its front and were missing their glass. A stepped garden spread out from its walls and flowed seamlessly into the woods.

As she climbed the steps, Saehin examined the plants with a flicker of curiosity. Some were ones she recognized; large bells of crystal grace and night-blooming ladies, their starburst blossoms the size of dinner plates. Others were completely unknown to her and many had an unreal quality to them that made her wonder. It was all very pretty but it had the faded lifelessness that seemed to infuse the very air in the spaces beyond the Eluvians. A sense of lingering, of existing but being not quite alive.

_Is that what Solas sees? A world half in death?_

It was an uncomfortable thought and she hastened her pace slightly to escape it. The building had no doors; only open arches and when she went through, it was to find a massive hall. Light from outside poured in from the windows and chased away every last shadow. The ceilings were vaulted, darkened by something over the stone but points of glittering silver sparked. Murals in a familiar style covered the walls in such a way as to smoothly transition from one scene to the next and to incorporate the doorways that she assumed led to the rest of the...manor? Palace? She wasn't sure but there wasn't a single mosaic or statue of the Evanuris in sight.

Her feet scuffed noisily on dull tile as she walked further inside. It was empty and as eerily silent as the rest of the place was. Her breathing—a little too quick and shallow—and her heartbeat thunderous in her ears and she thought suddenly that she had been left to go mad here.

 _No_ , she told herself sharply. _Solas wouldn't do that to me._

She laughed then—breathlessly and she flinched at the way it echoed—because Solas was willing to do much to her. What did she know of what he wouldn't? All she had was belief and the hope that that belief was true.

_He's not that kind of wolf._

It was a mantra she kept up as she explored. As she took stock of the months of food stores she found. As she looked through her things that had been taken from her bedroom at Skyhold; even the precious journals—memories of her friends and even more of Solas she'd recorded out of her ever-present fear of forgetting—she'd thought none but her had known existed.

When the light outside had dimmed to something like twilight, she laid down in the room that was clearly meant to be hers and tried to still the wild beating of her heart.

_He's not that kind of wolf._


	3. Chapter 3

Though the Anchor and the hand that held it had been taken from her, she had never lost the vivid realness of her dreams.

Saehin would almost believe them real if not for the little things that gave it away. A book would move from the desk to the shelf or a chair would go from four legs to three when she wasn't looking. How she could feel the rush of air in her lungs no matter how hard she tried to stifle it. The black deadness of the arm that was no longer there when she was awake.

Somehow, that was always the last thing she would notice.

It was no different now and when she glanced down at her petrified flesh, a jolt ran through her like it always did. And—just like always, too—she thought, I am dreaming. Sometimes, the Fade would change her dreams at the realization but tonight it was indifferent and carried on as it had before, a not-quite memory.

As she had before, she was perched on stones in a flat, grassy field. The stones had once been the wall of someone's home before the hardships of time and neglect had sent it crashing to the earth. Only a shell of that home still stood, a forgotten gravestone at her back. She had sketched it once—feeling a strange sort of kinship was this sad building that had been abandoned to decay—and the journal she had done it in was open in her lap but it was the elf that had never been there that she focused on now.

Solas was smiling as he watched her drag the tip of her pencil across the rough paper, trying to capture his face. It left no mark but she kept on as if it had until the imagined drawing was finished. She stared at it, her brow crinkling, then turned to the previous page. It was blank, as well, and so was the next. They were all blank, empty of drawings of a face she could never seem to define.

"You are growing frustrated."

Frustrated was not the word for the layer upon layer of hurt that had burrowed deep within her but she didn't argue.

"You have many faces," she said. "They change. I wish that they didn't."

His eyelids flickered and he looked away. "As do I."

They fell silent then. She didn't usually dream of him this way—all quiet sorrow and regret but peaceful, too—and she wondered if this wasn't a spirit. It wasn't often that she encountered the gentler ones these days. Most had fled as deep into the Fade as they could manage; afraid of the Veil falling, according to Cole. The spirits that were left to walk the dreams were the ones that couldn't quite bring themselves to stay away. Sometimes, it was because they wished to help like Compassion or Hope. Mostly, it was because their hunger for the waking world went too deep and that made them more than commonly dangerous.

If it was a spirit, it hadn't yet tried to hurt her and—for now, at least—it didn't seem inclined to do so.

"Less than he would, certainly."

She was giving him a narrow look when the world shifted. The old house and Solas and the grass he had been sitting in all melted away and were replaced by a familiar forest. The trees were twisting with heavy boughs that left her in gloom. She had dreamed of this place before and so when she looked, she wasn't surprised to find the wolf.

He was lurking in the shadows as if trying not to be seen but close as if he couldn't quite bring himself to keep away. His eyes gleamed like veilfire in the half-light. 

"Leave," she said.

The wolf whined—soft and sad—but didn't move. For a moment, she stared at him with her heart thudding in her chest and her hands taut on the bow. Her arrow flew straight and swift and just before it would have struck him, he disappeared. In his wake, it turned to a brown-feathered bird that screeched as it vanished into the sky.

_Coward._

"It gnaws at him. Cruel claws in his chest and throat that bring tears to his eyes. He knows how much he is hurting you."

Saehin turned to face the voice but Cole was staring after the wolf, his expression distant.

"He's sorry but he would have been sorry either way," he continued. "You forced him to choose."

"I'm not to blame for this," she said sharply. 

"He knows that, too. It would be easier if you were."

"Yes."

He turned to her and she tensed, her eyes darting away from him.

"Your choice to take. Not it being taken from you." His voice became faint and he tilted his head as if his was listening to something only he could hear. " _It wouldn't be a betrayal then and maybe it wouldn't hurt so much._ A feeling like pain but worse. Deeper. It tears you from the inside out. _I don't_ — _I can't_ —"

"Stop."

"I can help you," he insisted. "I can't take it away completely but it will be better. Smooth the edges so it doesn't cut as deep. You need me to—"

"No, I don't," she snapped, both her dead hand and her real one curling into fists. "What I need is for you to leave my thoughts be. I didn't ask for your help and I don't want it."

Cole was no longer looking at her—his face hidden by his hat and his shoulders hunched—and she clenched her teeth against more words. Cole wasn't to blame either, she reminded herself. And he wasn't— He was Compassion and she shouldn't grow angry with him when he was trying to help in the only way he knew how.

"You're still upset with me. About keeping it secret."

She took a breath and reined in her temper, shoved it back where it belonged.

"No. You are only what you are and you were trying to help Solas. I understand that."

"I did it for you, too."

Briefly, she wondered if Compassion could lie but she only shook her head and pushed the topic away with both hands.

"Is everyone alright?"

"They're worried. Desperate to find you. They'll be glad to know that you're safe then afraid again once they know where you are."

"I'll be fine," she said though she didn't really believe it.

" _A place with no walls to keep me pinned. What if I can't remember? Will I be able to find my way back?_ You won't drift away. Lost and alone. I'll be here to bring you back," he promised.

Sighing, she gave him a look but didn't bother to scold him a second time. _It's not as if it convinces him to stop_ , she thought with a slight scowl.

"I don't think that Solas knows how we found the Eluvians but you need to be careful," she told him.

"Solas doesn't want to hurt me. He doesn't want to hurt _anyone_."

"That doesn't mean that he won't."

Cole looked miserable but nodded.

"Good." Her breath came a little easier. "Solas needs you. You should go."

"I am your _friend_."

His fierceness took her aback and for a moment, she stared at him. He met her eyes with a mulishness that made a small smile take over her face and she ducked her head.

"As you say."

 

* * *

 

She woke to bright light and an unfamiliar room that made her heart leap into a desperate sprint. _No, not unfamiliar_ , she reminded herself. _You know where you are_. Unsurprisingly, the thought didn't calm her and if anything, it only caused a spike of anxiety in her gut. Her nails made bright points of pain in her palm and cleared her mind just enough for her to begin to count.

_Four walls. Five windows. One doorway. One bed of furs. Furs_ —she rifled through them with trembling fingers— _five. One blanket. One wooden chest._

After that, she had to start counting the pale stones in the ceiling, the walls, the floor and by the time she was done, her heart had settled down to an uneasy trot. Her chest and throat and hand ached but the fear had been beaten back into its cage. Not silenced but quieted into an uncomfortable something that she could forget.

_You are going to be driven mad._

Shoving the thought aside, she got up and dressed in yesterday's shirt and breeches but left her armor where she had piled it on the floor. There were fresh clothes in the chest along with the rest of her things but she stank enough to want to clean up first. Her hair had half-fallen out of its braid while she slept and was fiercely tangled but she left that, too.

_Eat and bathe_ , she told herself. _Then deal with the Eluvian_. She nodded then left for the kitchens.

She found the baths first and like the rest of what she'd seen of this place, they had an air of partial ruin. The doorway was empty and fine, spiderwebbing cracks spread through what tiles remained on the floor. Jagged pieces of glass were still attached to the windows and glinted in the light. A cabinet with missing doors leaned against a wall, its shelves piled with towels and enough of her lavender soap to last her months. Only one of the large, sunken basins was intact; its silver tiles shining dully and spotted with tarnish. There wasn't a proper ceiling; pale, leafy vines wound around stone arches and knit together to form a thick canopy.

Saehin considered for a moment the plants above her, wondering at their gray-green color, before searching for a way to fill the bath. There was another exit to her left but it led to an indoor privy instead of a conveniently placed well. She felt a slight, tickling pull in her ears as she walked in and she conjured a bit of veilfire in her palm with a frown. Its green light revealed a small rune on the wall near one of the porcelain bowls. 

_Of course._

When she touched the curling symbol, a rush of water filled the bowl then emptied into the hole in the bottom. Where it went from there was a mystery—as was where the water came from, for that matter—but it was a useful thing and rather unusual. She'd never seen anything like it.

After using the privy, she began to look for other runes that she suspected were for the baths. She found them on the far wall; two sweeping characters about the size of her palm. The first caused a large drain to open in the floor of the undamaged basin with a groan. It was the second that released water into it from a series of hidden spouts along the mosaicked edge.

She had to wait several minutes and then hurriedly press the rune again before she flooded the room but it was amazing, just the same. There'd been self-drawing baths at the Winter Palace but they had required people to run and were certainly not communal. Neither of which was true here, obviously.

As she fetched a ball of soap from its basket and a towel, she mused on the baths workings. A dip of her toes into the clear water proved it to be pleasantly hot so she stepped in and started to wash.

Sweet lavender perfumed the air and cleaned her skin of the previous day's stress while she turned her mind to the Eluvian. Solas had said that he'd gained control of the network without the key but she couldn't even begin to theorize how. Even if she could, she might not be powerful enough to do the same. Her magic had never been quite at the same level as his and to compare the two now would be laughable. No, she needed the key.

_It would be unique for this place_ , she thought as her hands moved to unravel her braid. Solas would not want his people to be able to unlock the Eluvian for a number of reasons and that likely ruled out an object, as well. Anything small enough for him to carry without her notice would be too easily stolen. A phrase or a word, perhaps. Not something she would quickly guess and would he risk someone else being able to? With knowledge or power, he could eliminate that risk entirely and she would never be able to acquire either.

Her gut clenched and she ducked under the water to drown the thought. She rinsed her hair then climbed out and used the soapy water to wash her soiled clothes; the fierce, awkward scrubbing helped still her unsteady hand. By the time she'd finished and dried off, her breathing was almost normal, too. She gathered up her things, returned the soap to its cabinet, and set the bath to drain before walking naked back to her room.

Once there, the clothes and towel were draped across the windows to dry and then she was digging in the chest for breeches and a tunic. Her comb of carved bone and the little bottle of oil she used for her hair were next and she sat on the pile of furs to tackle her long, wild curls.

It was a lengthy and difficult process without the false arm that she used when not in combat. Solas—or whoever it had been—had taken it along with the rest of her things but she couldn't buckle it in place on her own. She didn't imagine that that was something he'd even considered but she wouldn't have _before_ either.

Sometimes, she still forgot that there were things she could no longer do.  
When she finished untangling her hair, she left it down out of necessity, put everything neatly away, and again went in search of the kitchens. Her feet carried her through the airy halls and to the building's entrance. As her eyes landed on the frescoes that decorated its walls, she stopped. She seen them the day before but in truth, she had been...dazed. Her mind had whirled and twisted and nothing about her prison had made much of an impression other than the fact that Solas planned to leave her here for a very long time.

After a moment, she allowed herself to step closer and examine the frescoes.  
It was Solas' work; she was certain of it, now. The lines were straight and clean, the forms uncomplicated, and the colors striking. She walked slowly around the perimeter of the hall and the story he was telling began to take shape. 

A wolf biting a woman's hand as a shadow loomed behind them and the sky split. The wolf turning into an elf at the woman's feet. A kiss between them in the snow, the colors blurring until she couldn't tell where one began and the other ended. The lovers turned away from one another; the woman's head bowed and the man on his knees with a wolf at his side. Two elves—the man with his face hidden by a wolf pelt and the woman's only hand cradling his cheek—kneeling before one another as stars bled from the sky.

Saehin stared at the last image—a hollow feeling in her gut—before she turned away. She left the hall but not for the kitchens like she'd planned. Her appetite was gone and replaced by a different kind of sickening ache so she took the path to the Eluvian instead, her breath hitching. She had some idea of what the key would be, now.

_Please, let it work._


End file.
